Going through a divorce is rarely easy. Not only are you grieving the loss of an important relationship in your life, but you may also find that the numerous legal and financial decisions you must make can be overwhelming. Unfortunately, if your spouse refuses to cooperate, this can make matters even worse. As such, if you are going through a high-conflict divorce on Long Island, understanding the steps you can take to make this process less stressful for yourself and your family is critical. The following blog explores what you should know about these matters, including the importance of working with a Long Island divorce lawyer to assist you through these difficult times.
What Is a High-Conflict Divorce?
While bitter divorces in which spouses only speak through their attorneys may seem like something that only happens in movies, this is unfortunately a reality for some. A high-conflict divorce occurs when one or both spouses engage in behavior over the course of the divorce with the intention of making matters more difficult for their spouse.
Often, this behavior is caused by hurt, betrayal, or to “punish” their spouse for filing for divorce or the actions that led to the divorce.
Most commonly, this behavior manifests in:
- Refusal to cooperate during attempted negotiations
- Deliberate communication breakdowns
- Rehashing old arguments
- Intentionally provoking the other
- Attempting to delay court proceedings
- Interfering with parenting schedules
- Repeated attempts to demonize one spouse
- Involving children in disputes
Unfortunately, many spouses also form rigid expectations regarding the outcome of their divorce and therefore refuse to compromise, even when cooperation would greatly benefit everyone involved.
Common Signs You Are Facing a High-Conflict Divorce in New York
In the event your spouse continually escalates disagreements, ignores court-imposed deadlines, manipulates your children, or refuses to engage in respectful communication, you may be in the middle of a high-conflict divorce.
Behavioral Signs Often Seen in High-Conflict Divorces
- Constant argumentative behavior
- False allegations or overexaggerations
- Attempts to control finances
- Engaging in harassing texts or emails
- Intentionally stalling the divorce process
- Repeatedly disputing custody and parenting time
- Engaging in public attacks on social media
- Refusal to compromise, even on minor matters
Parenting-Related Conflict Indicators
- Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of children
- Interference with custody and visitation
- Withholding important information about the child, like educational or medical issues
- Using children as messengers
- Attempting to alienate the parent
How Are High-Conflict Divorces Handled in New York?
Courts in New York, including those on Long Island, adhere to the “best interests of the child” standard when determining custody issues. This means that the court will prioritize the needs of the child, and expects both spouses to comply with these orders. Additionally, the court requires that both parties adhere to matters related to financial disclosure, property division, and support obligations. If conflict negatively impacts the children or unnecessarily prolongs litigation, the judge assigned to the case may intervene more aggressively. As such, New York courts may require additional hearings or evaluate custody matters to ensure compliance with court orders
Important New York Divorce Issues That Often Increase Conflict
- Child custody disputes
- Division of marital property
- Spousal support disagreements
- Hidden income and assets
- Allegations of domestic violence
Nassau County and Long Island Divorce Considerations
High-conflict divorces across Long Island, including those in Nassau County, are commonly handled through:
- Supreme Court divorce proceedings
- Court-ordered mediation
- Attorney negotiations
- Custody considerations
- Temporary support hearings
- Enforcement of parenting plans
Depending on the county where the divorce is filed, the case may proceed through the Nassau County Supreme Court in Mineola or the Suffolk County Supreme Court in Central Islip or Riverhead
What Can I Do to Make This Process Less Stressful?
If you are going through a high-conflict divorce, there are steps you can take to help alleviate the stress of this process.
One of the most important things you can do is refrain from broadcasting the details of your divorce. Instead, it is in your best interest to keep this matter private and discuss it with your trusted support system. Any attempt to publicly broadcast the details of your divorce can be viewed negatively by the courts.
In addition, you should ensure that all communication between you and your spouse is written. Not only does this help ensure that you have evidence of your conversations, but it also allows you the opportunity to take time to respond to their behavior in a calm, professional manner.
Keeping your side of the conversation cordial and focused on the topic at hand is critical during these matters, as feeding into their attacks can only increase your stress.
Best Ways to Protect Yourself During a High-Conflict Divorce
To protect yourself in the midst of a high-conflict divorce in Nassau County, you should:
- Keep communication written when possible (and retain all records)
- Avoid engaging in emotional arguments
- Carefully adhere to court orders, even if your ex isn’t
- Protect your finances
- Prioritize the well-being of your children
- Limit your social media activity
- Adhere to the advice of your attorney
Communication Strategies That Can Minimize the Risk of Conflict
- Use email or parenting apps to communicate instead of phone calls
- Keep responses direct, brief, and professional
- Do not react to intentionally inflammatory messages
- Do not engage in name-calling or raising threats
Financial Protection Tips
- Gather copies of financial records
- Carefully monitor joint bank accounts
- Record unusual spending or large transfers
- Protect important financial documents
- Regularly review your credit reports
How Can Children Be Protected During a High-Conflict Divorce?
Unfortunately, children are often deeply impacted by parental conflict. While divorce can be overwhelming enough for children, when parents are engaged in ongoing issues, it can make matters even worse. As such, doing everything in your power to help shield children from the conflict is critical.
Important Parenting Recommendations
- Never use children as messengers
- Refrain from discussing legal matters in front of children
- Encourage your children to maintain a healthy relationship with both parents
- Do not speak negatively about the other parent in front of children
When Parallel Parenting May Help
In some instances, co-parenting may be ineffective due to repeated arguments and emotional harm. If this is the case, parallel parenting, in which the direct communication between parents is limited to a bare minimum, can help reduce conflict.
Contact an Experienced Long Island Divorce Attorney Today
As you can see, navigating a high-conflict divorce can be an incredibly overwhelming matter. That is why it is crucial to connect with an experienced attorney to help guide you through these times. At Barrows Levy PLLC, we understand how frustrating these circumstances can be, which is why we will do everything in our power to help you fight for the best possible outcome. When you need help, our firm is here. Contact us today to learn more.
