It’s no secret that divorce is one of the most stressful life events people can go through. Not only do you have to navigate the legal complexities of getting divorced, but you’ll also mourn the loss of an important relationship and experience drastic changes in your day-to-day life. As such, the stress can become overwhelming. However, managing your stress levels during this period is critical to ensure you can make the best decisions possible for your circumstances and protect your mental health during these matters. The following blog explores the steps you should take during this process to reduce your stress and the importance of working with a Long Island divorce lawyer to assist you through your divorce.
Why Divorce Feels So Stressful and Overwhelming in New York
Divorce is an incredibly complex emotional process, as you’ll need to not only cope with the loss of your relationship with your spouse, but also learn how to navigate your daily life after undergoing these complex changes.
However, it’s important to understand that divorce, in addition to being an emotional matter, is also a very complicated legal and financial process. As such, when combined, these three matters can become downright overwhelming for those enduring this process on Long Island. Unfortunately, divorce can cause a number of issues like anxiety, panic attacks, and even depression. As such, understanding how to minimize stressors is critical.
Divorce Is Logistical
- May need to manage the household, bills, and parenting schedules for two households
- May have decision fatigue surrounding matters like custody, money, and living arrangements
- Communications with the court and your lawyer can result in recurring triggers for anxiety
Common Stressors and Triggers
- Waiting for your spouse to respond to papers
- Sudden and unexpected demands
- Disagreements regarding custody or parenting time
- Feeling judged by family or friends
- Fear of losing your relationship with your child
- Complicated legal language
- Financial uncertainty
- Deadline pressure
How Can I Manage Divorce Stress Day-to-Day?
When looking to reduce stress, especially when navigating the complexities of the divorce process, there are a number of steps you may be able to take to help reduce anxiety and keep a clear, calm head to help you through this process.
Create a “Calm Routine” That You Follow Daily
- Get adequate sleep
- Create a bedtime and morning routine
- Get at least 20-30 minutes of movement per day
- Eat consistently and avoid caffeine or sugar spikes
- Limit screen time and doom scrolling
- Participate in one activity completely unrelated to your divorce every day (reading, crafting, sports, music)
Move Your Body to Lower Stress Hormones
- Light physical activity can help reduce anxiety and improve your mood
- Different accessible options include:
- Brisk walks through your neighborhood
- Yoga or stretching
- Bodyweight exercises
- Gym sessions at local fitness centers, if possible
Journaling: Express Emotions Without Conflict
Journaling can be an incredibly effective and beneficial way to express your emotions in a safe and secure manner. You may wish to:
- Write the thought that’s causing you to panic
- List the certainties vs. uncertainties
- Create a manageable and actionable list of things you may want to accomplish within the week
- Keep track of your triggers
Avoid Conflict to Reduce Stress
It’s no secret that going through a divorce in Nassau County can be incredibly high-conflict, as you and your spouse may have drastically different opinions on matters like alimony, child support, custody, and property division. However, doing what you can to remain calm and avoid these tense and unpleasant situations is critical to keeping your stress levels low.
How to Stop Fights Before They Start
- Do not immediately respond to heated or offensive emails or texts
- Keep your replies brief, factual, and unemotional
- Do not argue in writing (this creates “evidence” your spouse may use to escalate the situation)
- Enlist a neutral, unbiased third party to assist with child exchanges
- Keep conversations with your spouse focused on your child and matters like their school work, schedule, or medical needs
Expect Provocation
Unfortunately, even if your divorce isn’t particularly high-conflict, it’s not uncommon for spouses who feel hurt or slighted by the decision of their partner to become petty or mean. As such, you should assume your spouse may:
- Insult, accuse, or bait you
- Intentionally misinterpret facts
- Threaten to escalate legal action against you
If this occurs, your best option is to:
- Treat all communications professionally and politely
- Screenshot and save all provoking or offensive messages
- Give relevant information to your attorney
- Only respond to the important information
Build a Support System
Many who go through the divorce process on Long Island often report feeling lonely or isolated during their case. As such, one of the most important things you can do is create and lean on a support system during these times.
Three Primary Forms of Support
- Emotional support – Friends, family
- Practical support – Childcare pickup, running errands, helping around the house
- Professional support – Therapist, life coach, mediator
Therapy and Support Groups Can Be Beneficial
Utilizing therapy or a divorce support group can provide a number of benefits:
- Processing anger or grief
- Maintaining stability
- Learning coping mechanisms
- Hearing other people’s experiences
In addition, if you are a parent, utilizing these services can help you avoid exposing your child to your feelings regarding the situation, which will benefit them in the long run. Speaking negatively about your spouse in front of your child can create internal conflict and guilt, as they may like spending time with or seeing their other parent. As such, having an outlet for you to let these feelings out without your child hearing is critical.
Signs You May Want to Consider Therapy
- Panic attacks
- Insomnia or difficulty sleeping
- Intrusive thoughts and inability to focus
- Feeling numb
- Using substances to cope with the divorce
- Feelings of intense depression
Stress Management for Co-Parenting
As mentioned, a divorce in New York can be incredibly stressful. However, it’s important to understand that this process isn’t just stressful for you, but also your children. As such, taking the steps to limit their exposure to the divorce is critical.
Protect Kids From Adult Conflict
Do not:
- Share legal information or details with your children
- Speak negatively about your spouse in front of your children
- Ask them to “report information” about their other parent
Do:
- Maintain daily routines
- Encourage a relationship between your child and their other parent
Reduce Parenting-Related Anxieties
A divorce can be incredibly stressful for children, as it can severely disrupt their routine. As such, ensuring that you clearly communicate expectations is critical, as children may fear uncertainty. You may want to consider the following:
- Keep a parenting calendar to remind children of who they will be staying with in the coming days
- Prepare children for changes and transitions by easing them in
- Use written agreements when possible to reduce uncertainty
Is Working With an Attorney Beneficial?
When going through a divorce, you may feel overwhelmed by the legal complexities of this process, which is why working with an experienced attorney is critical.
Legal Stress Often Arises From Uncertainty or Paperwork
The divorce process often includes:
- Deadlines
- Court filings
- Financial disclosure
- Negotiations
- Settlement drafts
- Hearings
As such, working with an attorney during this process can help you reduce stress by:
- Ensuring deadlines are met
- Handling communications to prevent misunderstandings
- Helping you explore your options
- Providing realistic expectations
- Protecting you from agreeing to less-than-ideal terms when pressured
Attorneys Can Also Help Avoid Stressful Decisions
In our experience, many individuals going through a divorce may experience stress to the point of burnout, where they just want to “get it over with,” which could lead to unfair agreements. As such, working with an attorney can help ensure you avoid:
- Agreeing to unfair terms to “end it” quickly
- Saying too much in writing
- Emotional spending
- Attempting “revenge litigation” that does not reflect your best interests
Contact Our Nassau County Divorce Attorneys Today
When you are going through a divorce, ensuring you have an experienced divorce attorney on your side during these matters is critical. At Barrows Levy PLLC, we understand the complexities of this process. That is why our dedicated team can handle the legal aspects so you can focus on healing from these emotional times. Contact us today to learn how we can assist you.
