Reviewed by Diana Szabo, Esq.
For many divorced parents, the holidays can be incredibly difficult, as you may be unable to spend certain special days with your child, which is why creating a holiday custody schedule is critical. The following blog explores some of the most common custody split options for the holiday season. You’ll also discover why working with a Long Island family law attorney is imperative during these matters to ensure you receive a favorable outcome.
What Are the Different Kinds of Custody for Special Occasions?
Creating a custody schedule for holidays and other special occasions is critical for a number of reasons. If you and your spouse were to rely on the schedule in place, one parent could end up having custody for an unfair amount of holidays simply because they happen to have custody that day. However, creating a schedule specifically for holidays ensures both parents can spend time with their children.
One of the most common options is for parents to split the holidays in half and alternate each year. For example, Parent A has Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, and the Fourth of July on even years, meaning Parent B will get those holidays on odd years. During even years, Parent B will have Christmas Eve, New Year’s Day, and Thanksgiving, which Parent A would have during odd years. This allows both parents to spend certain holidays with their children on a regular basis.
Another common option for parents is to assign fixed holidays. Essentially, this means each parent would have a certain holiday every year. This can be tricky, however, as many parents want to spend the “bigger” holidays, like Christmas or Thanksgiving, with their children.
Finally, you may choose to split each holiday with your ex-spouse. For example, Parent A may have the child from Christmas Eve into Christmas Day before Parent B gets custody to spend Christmas Day with the child.
Decide It Before the Season Arrives
Regardless of which structure you choose, determining these matters early is critical. Negotiating in mid-November about how you will handle Thanksgiving is the worst timing, because both parents already have plans, and neither has room to negotiate it.
Your children will ultimately benefit from knowing the plans in advance. A child who knows in September where they will wake up on Christmas morning can look forward to the holiday. However, if the child only finds out a few days before and who had to listen to their parents argue about it, the holiday will be taken from them, regardless of whose house they end up in.
What Your Schedule Should Actually Say
Most holiday disputes are not disagreements about who gets a holiday. They are disagreements about what the schedule meant. A workable holiday schedule specifies:
- Exact times, not just days: “Christmas Day” invites one parent to expect the child at 9 a.m. and the other to deliver them at 4 p.m. Write the hours.
- Where the exchange happens and who drives: Holiday traffic and closed businesses turn a usual meeting point into a problem.
- School breaks separately from holidays: Winter recess is roughly ten days, and Christmas is one of them. Dividing the holiday without addressing the break leaves the rest of it unassigned.
- Whether the holiday schedule overrides the regular rotation: This is the most common gap of all. If your ordinary weekend falls on a holiday assigned to the other parent, which controls? Say so in the document, because both readings are reasonable and each parent will adopt the one that favors them.
Dates That Move
You should determine the schedule around the date that is observed, rather than a calendar date. For example, Thanksgiving varies, and school breaks can be based on each district. Similarly, religious observances that follow the lunar calendar can shift substantially year to year.
You should also determine how you will handle birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and other important dates and events, many of which people forget until the first one arrives.
What Holiday Custody Schedule Is Best?
Like anything, there are advantages and disadvantages to each option, and what works for one family may not work for others. As such, it’s in your best interest to work with an experienced family law attorney who can help you and your spouse work out the best schedule.
For example, you may both agree that you want to split holidays. However, if you live far apart, this means your child could spend their holidays traveling between locations rather than celebrating. As such, this may not be an ideal option for your child.
Another option is to rotate or assign fixed holidays, and the parent who doesn’t have custody can celebrate at a different time with their child. For example, if Parent A gets Thanksgiving every year, Parent B may choose to celebrate on the following weekend so they can have the experience with their child.
Put It in the Order
Regardless of what you and your child’s parent agree to, ensuring it is written in your custody order is critical. An informal arrangement only lasts as long as both parents agree to it, and holidays tend to be when goodwill runs out. If your former spouse decides they want to resume abiding by the prior court order, they are entitled to. The court can only enforce what it has on file.
If the Other Parent Will Not Follow It
In the event your child’s other parent refuses to follow the holiday schedule, it can be incredibly upsetting. However, you should not, under any circumstances, retaliate by withholding the other parent’s parenting time. This will place you in violation of the same order, ultimately converting an otherwise simple complaint into a dispute in which both parents are in the wrong. Instead, you should document the violation, keep all communications in writing, and connect with your attorney. Repeated violations can support enforcement actions.
You should also understand that holiday friction is often a symptom, rather than the problem. If the arrangement has stopped fitting your lives, holidays are where these matters become obvious. As such, you may need to modify the schedule, rather than negotiate one holiday at a time.
Contact an Experienced New York Family Law Attorney
As you can see, there are many things you must take into consideration to make the holidays less stressful for yourself and your child. That’s why working with the team at Barrows Levy PLLC is critical. We know how complicated custody matters can be, which is why we will do everything possible to assist you. Connect with us today to learn how we can help you.
